Wow. 35 weeks since I posted. I remember a time when I couldn't go a day without writing here. I've been lurking for a while. I mean it's not like I stopped reading entirely. I just didn't have a lot to say and what I did say has been recorded for posterity more on MySpace for the past year. I used to pour out my heart in this place and maybe someday I will again but I think a breech of trust occurred a long time ago and rather than let that repair itself and take some time away I tried to censor myself instead, filter everything and really... what's the point of that? That defeats why I started this journal to begin with back in 2001. It made me bitter at first and then just apathetic. I didn't want to be either so I stepped back.

I've been here what? Seven years?! Is that all? Seems like I've lived a couple of lifetimes since then. Certainly a lot has transpired to be sure. I am a phoenix in many ways always rising from the ashes. I've existed in a lot of forms and am no stranger to change. I like to think of myself as a neverending work in progress. Maybe someday I'll be a masterpiece. Anyway, this journal is friends only. There's a reason for that- some personal and some professional. It's not snobbery or having a reason to hide- it's just simple smarts. This is the internets, people and you are being observed. Like it or not. Live with it. Feel free to contact me though if you're interested enough to want to know what goes through this thick skull of mine. It's a freakin' amusement ride sometimes! More to come... keep an eye out.

Which poem are you? The Mad Girl's Love Song by Sylvia Plath To you, love is desperate and hateful. You're wildly passionate and wildly inventive. You're also likely to start stalking people.

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"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

Ha. Yeah maybe this used to be me. ;) Not anymore. So much changes. So much remains the same.

I'm a muse and not a martyr...
Sometimes I lose but at least I had the balls to start...
And it's my ruse and not my reason...
That gets to you yeah but it's not easy to...

Play my role...
To stand behind your shadow...
But I think you know...
It's my way that wears you thin...
and it's my way that lets you win...

I'm a star and not a sheriff...
I wear my scars like a badge from old west days...
And it's my heart and not my heavy hand...
That burns like powder takes a stand so I can...

Play my role...
To stand behind your shadow...
But I think you know...
It's my way that wears you thin...
and it's my way that lets you win...

I'll never be your compass...
I was never meant to lead you...
Just give you a shove so you can find your own way...
I'll never be your saving grace...
I was never meant to bring you peace just be there...
Give you a reason to shine...

I'm a muse and not a martyr...
I'm not a wife and not a mother...
I can't carry your ideas or deliver you your dreams...
I'm a muse and not a martyr...
I'm a lyric and a lover...
I can't be your queen but I can make you sing... (c. 2006)

I have spent the larger part of my day reading... random streams of information about Charles Manson and Rasputin spawned by an earlier viewing of the History Channel leading to articles about Trent Reznor's A & B room setup at the original NOLA location of Nothing Records. Apparently the 1604s are attached to everything there- every synth set up, etc. They were joking that they must be breeding. (Maggie is prolly the only person who'll appreciate that tidbit of information.) I spent the better part of a few summers growing up researching every aspect of the Manson Family. That was back in the dark ages before that there internets came along. *rolls eyes* Anyway, I had to, ya know, actually track down real books and magazine articles for information and was quite thankful to have access to a few different large university libraries at the time. It's amazing to me how much of that information I've retained in 20 years. Scary, really. I guess it wasn't the most mainstream interest for a 13 year old girl to have but I had really delved into the whole counter culture of the 60's era at the time and it was an undeniably huge piece of the puzzle. It's funny though I remember seeing pictures of "The Family" at the time and these girls seemed much older than me and in reality most weren't at all. They were all teens/very early twenties for the most part. Looking at the pictures now it strikes me how young they look.

I think I've read a lot of abnormal psychology and criminology books over the years but I've just read a lot in general. I don't think I'm any more fascinated by the macabre than I am with the mundane. I just like to compile random knowledge. So interspersed between the Manson family and Trent Reznor's synth configurations I dipped into the history of Rasputin. I only just scratched the surface although I did learn an erotic museum in St. Petersburg apparently claims to have his penis in their possession- a 30 cm long penis! That's almost 12 inches folks. No wonder the dude was so popular with the upper class ladies. I mean it sure wasn't for his manner, his personal grooming or overall general appearance. He was the Russian answer to Ron Jeremy! Now armed with that information it's sure gonna put a different twist on the typical stories about the guy. I'll no longer be able to focus on the historical significance of his personage, oh no, now anytime I hear about Rasputin I'll immediately think damn that dude had a huge penis!

Yeah that's all I got right now. Should make for entertaining dreams tonight! Oooooooh yeah.

Kidney stones = giving birth to a hundred porcupines via your urethra

Dilaudid = passing the fuck out and puking a lot

Phenergen = something I'd rather not have up my ass but hey I guess I prefer it to puking

I'm out of commission for the week folks and the highlight is definitely pissing through a small strainer that looks like a coffee filter. Do I know how to party or what?!

Oh and here's a song from the weekend I never got around to posting.

Summer was colder...
Got burned anyway...
And the sun went down...
All the wind and sound...
Just a year older...
Yeah what can you say...
I'm not falling for that...

Winter was better...
Never been so in awe...
And I drank too much...
So it'd ease my touch...
But I have been wetter...
Don't know what I saw...
I'm not falling again, I'm not falling at all...

I got something to prove...
I got something to say...
I got something inside me...
You can't take away...
I got something to stand for...
I got something to say...
I won't fall for anything...
I won't fall for anything...

Summer is waiting...
And I know what it means...
But I'm feeling clear...
Yeah there's no fear...
No use in hating...
'Cause it's not what it seems...
I'm not falling again, I'm not falling...

I got something to prove...
I got something to say...
I got something inside me...
You can't take away...
I got something to stand for...
I got something to say...
I won't fall for anything...
I won't fall for anything... (c. 2006)

Now that it's over I get to begin...
Yeah nobody loses and nobody wins...
At least I made out with a few of my friends...
still here...

I said what I meant it was true at the time...
I guess it don't matter now I shouldn't mind...
But nothing is easy pretend that I'm fine...
still here...

I can't speak but I still dream...
Vivid colors beyond my means...
I can't speak but I still sing...
Yeah still here... (C. 2006)

Another short song came to visit somewhere between being awake and a dream. I've had horrible allergies all week. I traded out Wednesday at work for Friday hoping the rest would make me feel better and it seemed to help a little but not much. Thursday I rushed home to after work to clean up before Sean's mom got in from Ohio and Jud, Josh and I made some dinner together. Friday was a pretty easy day with the kids though I worked a different schedule than usual. What started as a grey day became a beautiful afternoon and it was nice to have lunch at the open air upstairs bar at South Street with Jud and Melanie. By Friday night I felt way worse and went to bed late due to my coughing and congestion. I woke up yesterday with a throat so swollen I couldn't speak at all. My food yesterday consisted of two cheese krystals, some crushed pineapple and a route 66 orange slush from sonic. Yep it was an exciting day of drugs, falling in and out of sleep, gargling with warm salt water and little communication. Today my throat seems to be improving slowly. I decided to take a lortab (yes it hurt THAT bad) and knocked my ass out for a while last night. When I woke up at three in the morning I gargled, drank a glass of water and took a double dose of nyquil to assure me another slot of uninterrupted sleep. I slept a total of 15 hours when it was all said and done and I'm thanful for that. I've managed to eat a whole avocado and a small piece of soft crust pizza so far. I also made a small pitcher of honey-lemon herbal tea to sip on. I can breathe and the advil is actually helping the pain in my throat today so I'm pretty happy. Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel closer to normal.

The dreams I've had the past few nights have been random and odd. I don't remember much about them now but I remember waking up a few times and shaking my head. I think it's time for more ibuprofen and some more tea. Yum. After that Josh and I are watching a movie. It's just us at the house the next few days. He's got reign of the upstairs and I've got reign of the downstairs. Yep for now this is my kingdom- my empire of dirt. Time for this little piggy to roll in the muck.

Please take some time to check out two preview studios demos for the new album, Rockstar Antics on MySpace. You can hear Three Words and Ex-Boyfriend Song. It definitely represents the overall tone of what I'm doing with the band now. I'd love to hear feedback so don't be shy!

Thanks for listening!

Organic milk is the most delicious tastiest beverage around.

My new bed is evil. The mattress is so soft and plush that I never want to get out of it. I've never fallen alseep so easily or comfortably which is a bad thing. I have no sense of time once I go to sleep and even my alarm isn't waking me up from that slumber. Maybe I'm just making up for 32 years of chronic insomnia?

Sean and I had an absolutely stellar time last night at the Nashville Film Festival. We didn't get to talk to Kiefer Sutherland though we did sit front row for his introduction to the film premier and I got a couple of good pics. There were some flat out nutballs there though trying to meet the guy. It would have been cool but I'm not going to act like some jackass crazed fan girl to meet him. I did speak to the bassist in the band, Dave Beste and also the director of the film, Manu Boyer. I've got a pic of us with him too. If I could find my usb cord I'd download pics but alas I misplaced it on my trip. Hey starrynytes4me have you found a gray sony usb cord lying around in your office or living room?

Anyway, aside from the Kiefer connection, I gotta say the film is amazing. I Trust You to Kill Me is not necessarily typical documentary style but the band is awesome. I need to go buy their new album because it's wicked good. Rocco DeLuca is hands down one of the most talented songwriter/singer/musicians out there right now and it was cool to follow the mini european tour. What that man can do with a dobro is inspiring. The rest of his band, The Burden, are equally compelling as individuals and musicians. Kiefer was hysterical in the film, the funniest scene being where he takes out a huge Christmas tree in the lobby of some hotel while very inebriated. He just runs and leaps Superman style right into the thing and crashes to the floor. He's constantly losing his phone, forgetting things and just is the most disorganized tour manager ever which makes for a lot of comedy relief. There's a lot of seriousness too and it seems Kiefer himself comes away from this tour carrying alot more than just his luggage. Alot of things in the film really hit me close to home. The advice to be who you are regardless and follow the path that's right for you, the love of music and the knowledge of the struggles that lie ahead simply because you choose to pursue your passion rather than a "normal" 9-5 kind of existence... it struck a nerve because I know about it all too well. It was encouraging though and Sean marvelled about the similarities between how I was raised in comparison to Rocco. We've led remarkably parallell lives in some instances and I guess that's reassuring in a way- the knowing that I'm not so weird afterall and that channeling that into music does actually make perfect sense for me. I talked so much about music and the past few years and the next few years to come while I was away. In a sense I guess the film was the perfect way to close that window time and yet open up the next one.

I'll post some pics when I track down another usb cord I guess. Right now I'm gonna get back to cleaning house and doing some laundry. Do I live like a rock star or what? Oooooh yeah...

I felt pretty off all day yesterday- bad headaches stemming from my shoulder pain and tension that just wouldn't go away. Sean managed to work some magic on my shoulder and once I took some pain killers I was out like a light. I slept through a ton of phone calls and my alarm this morning. I've been up for about two hours but I'm not sure I'm awake yet. I feel like an ass for missing one very important person. Maybe I can make it up with bacon and orange juice tomorrow.

I'm tormenting Sean with bad movies from my high school years. It cracks me up how the 80's are all over the place again. A fact that I remind him of everytime he tells me how bad the 80's suck and how he's glad he didn't grow up then. Yeah, I mean most of that stuff was ridiculous the first time around and it looks even more retarded now. It was SO uncool though that now there's an entire generation of high school/college kids who just want to be me 15 years ago. If mall bangs ever come back someone shoot me! lol Well, time to finish laundry and get more caffeine!

I woke up this morning with an old Switchblade Symphony song in my head. I haven't thought about those girls in a long time. Tina and Susan were hella cool to party with back in the day. Apparently Tina is in a new band called Tre` Lux. It's alright from the MP3's I listened to but nowhere near as original as Switchblade were when they were on fire. Tina looks more like a Geri Haliwell impersonator these days with her new style and red/brown hair. Funny since they (along with Kat Bjelland from Babes in Toyland) really were the forerunners of that whole dead baby doll/kinderwhore look. Courtney Love may have bastardized it but she couldn't be original if her life depended on it. That, however, is another story for another time. Anyway, it just kinda reminded me of how much everything has changed the past ten years of my life.

Scratch that previous MP3 statement. This version of Never Let Me Down Again that Tina has on Myspace is just fuckin' atrocious. Good God! Why's everybody gotta be messin' with Depeche Mode? Just leave it alone already!

On an entirely different note: An American Haunting is surprisingly good. I'm pretty damned biased when it comes to anything Bell Witch related and the guy who put this movie together actually took plenty of time to research the topic and presented the story in a way that's fairly true to all recorded accounts (with the exception of the whole incest spin from the fictional Brent Monohan novel). He captured the fear, the violence and the cinematography was excellent taking cues from old thrillers rather than new horror. Donald Sutherland and Sissy Spaceck were both very believable in their roles as John and Lucy Bell. Sean, Rain and I (along with the rest of the theater) jumped out of our skin so many times I felt like I was on the verge of heart failure. The only things I really wish they could have presented better were the depth of the relationship between Joshua Gardner and Betsy Bell and also the extent of the torment that John Bell underwent before the "spirit" killed him. Regardless of what you believe the fact remains true that something very damn strange happened in Adams in the early 1800's and to this day it remains the only documented record in our American history of a haunting being the direct cause of a man's death. That's scary any way you want to slice it. Even scarier is it all took place a whole half an hour from my hometown.

Anyway, time to get lunch packed up and head to work. Hope you all have a great day!

I absolutely loathe waiting on people. Lunch to me means 12-2 PM not 6 PM. I don't have the patience to wait for you to call. Time to jet. If you want to meet me it's gonna have to be on my time now. Does this make me an asshole? Along with a host of other things... sure does. The older I get the less tolerance I have for bullshit. Thankfully that includes my own. *smirk*

Yeahhhhh that made me chuckle. I'll be heading home come Monday morning. I know I owe some updating. I just have been too busy hanging with my friends and recovering from the hangover from hell. Ah good times good times. It's gonna be SO nice on Monday to sleep in MY bed! I feel like I've been gone for months. I'll get around to some pics and comments about the trip when I get back. Right now some things are too close still and my head is spinning.

My beloved adorable kick ass nephew is now 2 years old! Happy Birthday little dude!

I think I'll go pass out now. Wheee.

G'nite folks and Happy Easter!

I have so much to say about my trip to Seattle. I have pics to upload and you can expect one hell of a post- tomorrow.

I have to hop in the shower now and get dressed to meet up with Brent and Eric (aka Jerry's very hot neighbor plus one) who invited me to take the train into the city with them this afternoon and go d-ranking. lol As if I'd say no to that?!!! I'm taking the camera. I'll try to be well behaved but don't bank on it. Me + 2 hot guys + alcohol + downtown Chicago= TROUBLE. *grin*

I'm finally feeling somewhat human and not really sick anymore. What a relief!

I hope you all have a great Friday, I know a lot of you are off work today. Enjoy it!

Love and stuff.

So anyone else here remember the band Ultravox? I was in Old Navy a few days ago and Dancing With Tears in My Eyes came on and I was like holy hell it's Midge Ure!!! I haven't heard this song in like ten years or more. I could not for the life of me remember the band name though. My friend Steve was with me and I was like c'mon... you know this!! Vienna? Visions in Blue? Passing Strangers? They were HUGE in the 80's. No no no it's not Visage. That was Steve Strange damn it. Definitely a new romantic era band though.

Things like this drive me crazy and it did for about 4 hours until I got distracted enough for it to slip away. That was on Friday. Today I woke up with Vienna in my head. The song, not the city although I am apparently fascinated with that particular area of Europe lately for some reason. It reminded me that I never did remember the name of the band so I looked up Midge Ure and there it was. The internet is a wonderful thing sometimes.

I'm still getting over my cold but I feel a lot better. Hopefully by the time I hit Seattle I'll be almost back to normal. It hasn't been too severe as far as colds go but I kicked it in the ass from the first sniffle and I know that helped. This is my last full day in Chicago before I head out to the Emerald City. I'm totally excited!

Anyway, time to get off of here.

Alright people I have something to say here. I am sick of taking shit for my accent. I don't give my Massachussetts friends crap when they talk about Bahston. I don't crack on my Jersey friends for saying cheetah instead of cheater. When my Cali friends say right on and dude I don't blink an eye. When my Louisiana friends talk about Nawlins I don't mind. I got back to Chicago and everyone keeps harassing me about my southern accent. I'm from Nashville y'all. Get over it. I am generally pretty damned articulate and I'm definitely not uneducated. I used to be ashamed of being southern like it automatically made me a hick or white trash or something and that's just bullshit. Rednecks live everywhere. Some of the worst I've ever encountered were nowhere near the south! So when I overexagerrate my r's or I use any of the vernacular of my home state rest assured it doesn't make me a moron. It's makes me a southern girl and that's something I can't deny nor would I want to.

So yeah in the immortal words of Flo on Alice kiss my grits! *smile*

It's April 1st now and there's no gag...
Woke from a dream on a street in Prague...
With the sky kinda cloudy it's quiet in here...
But I've never been there...

Sullen and sorta out of my mind...
Worry about how I'll pass my time...
Wanderlust, weary and kinda cold...
But I'm not too old...

I've got more ways than none...
I've got nerve and I've got my best face...
Yeah it's on for you...
I've bled for my fun...
I've had love and I've still got places...
I need to feel...
So I know it's real too...

Down on the corner the dawn stands tall...
I dialed your number but I won't call...
It's no laughing matter this tower is...
burning out of control...

I've got more ways than none...
I've got nerve and I've got my best face...
Yeah it's on for you...
I've bled for my fun...
I've had love and I've still got places...
I need to feel...
So I know it's real too...

Yeah I've never seen Prague...
Yeah I've never seen Prague...

I've got more ways than none...
I've got nerve and I've got my best face...
Yeah it's on for you...
I've bled for my fun...
I've had love and I've still got places...
I need to feel...
So I know it's real too... (C. 2006)

I have hardly anything in common with myself and should stand very quietly in a corner, content that I can breathe.- From the diary of Franz Kafka

I have to say the one thing that really intrigues me the most about returning to school for history is the prospect of studying abroad some semesters- maybe Germany, the Czech Republic, the UK. European history is so fascinating to me as is the architecture, literature, music and shifts in social climate throughout the years. The United States is in it's infancy really historically speaking and there's only so much you can delve into up to the second world war but European history? It's an endless abundance of information, a study in so many relevant important areas that it makes my head spin. At the heart of it all is the city of Prague. I was just there in my sleep only a hour ago. I had thought maybe Italy might be my next foreign destination but I keep coming back to Prague. The language barrier is going to be an issue but I'll manage somehow. I don't know if it's my nature as an artist, a thinker or just a human in general that compels me so greatly to seek out the unknown and make it familiar. It's a bit of a conquest I guess in that I am continually conquering the new. As a writer I can't imagine not doing this... not feasting visually and viscerally annotating every possible angle and experience so that the breadth of my knowledge and emotion is enough to draw from. I feed myself with those bits and banquets so that I can express everything inside more effectively. Believe me, the size of the universe as we know it is minute and eternally mammothed by what lives and extends in our souls. I don't think infinity is an external calculation as much as an internal conception. So I seek. I stave off redunancy by ensuring that no two moments are the same for me. It's not always about a new city but change of location (even within the same room sometimes) certainly alters perception and in kind our reception and relativity to thoughts that would otherwise be obscure to us.

Anyway, this is where my head goes when left to my own devices. And you wonder why I distract myself all the time...

I am feeling better this morning. I think I headed this cold off quick enough that it's running its course at hyper speed. My diet yesterday consisted of enough buffalo sauce on my chicken and mashed potatoes to kill a man, hot green ginger tea from starbucks and a couple of odwalla citrus c monsters. I've had about 4,000 times my recommended daily allowance of vitamin c in the past 24 hours but it's working! Today it will be more tea, more odwalla and lots of hot and sour soup. There are worse ways to spend a Saturday.

It looks like Prague here... the sky is sullen (hence the song) and very much the color of my eyes.

Totally unrelated I got the coolest 70's looking green sunglasses yesterday at old navy along with a green wifebeater bedazzled with silver beads and sequins. It's been all about orange for a year but I think green may become the new orange for me. I love green.

Well, starbucks is open it seems so I think I'll wander across the street and grab more tea while I listen to some Mitch Hedberg. Sometimes you just need to laugh.

There's a storm brewing up. I should close the window in the sun room. It keeps clanking. Jerry is crashed out, Steve went home, Scotty and Jeremiah are downstairs at the bar... wait Jeremiah just jumped over the end of the couch and gave me a huge raspberry on my tummy then ran back down the stairs. WTF?! Yeah, so obviously I am back in sweet home Chicago. I came I-24 to I-57 home today instead of my usual I-65 route. Why? Not for the more impressive scenery if that's what you're thinking unless one continuous cornfield is your kinda scene. It was less traffic and I finally made the trek to Metropolis. See?!



I picked up a few cool souveniers at the Superman museum too for me and my fellow man of steel lovers, Sean and Dad. I don't think I'd ever go back again because there's not THAT much to see but I'm glad I passed through and satisfied my curiosity.

I slept a whole 2 hours before my 8 hour trip up here today. It pretty much sucked but I was considerably less exhausted than I imagined I'd be. I guess it's just the adrenaline from being so excited about my trip. At one point though somewhere on I-57 I had a total weird deja vu scenario where a stretch of road seemed almost identical to I-29 in North Dakota near the Hillsboro exit. It seriously fucked with my head for about a minute as I was confused that I had dozed off and suddenly awakened in NoDak I guess? I dunno. I was high on sleep deprivation and caffeine at the time. I kept seeing Minnesota license plates too. Apparently the loons are migrating north again for Summer. lol

I took a cat nap and now I'm awake but I'm sure I'll be crashed out in record time soon. Tomorrow night Jerry, Joe and I are heading to the Metro to see Pollard from Guided By Voices play. I'm pretty stoked about that. I love GBV and I never got to see them live.

Okay this window is really going nuts. Time to do something about that!

Much better.

I finally got out of my jeans and into a much more comfortable wife beater, yoga pants and hoodie. Yay for comfortable clothes.

I'm random but it's been a strange evening. Steve says his ass stinks. Brian IM'ed me earlier from the can and proclaimed that he finished having a shit while talking to me and was now ready to conquer the world with his second order of business, shaving. I just finished playing a few songs for Steve on guitar like I actually knew what I was doing. If a midget walks through here any time soon I'm gonna start looking for David Lynch. It's really like some weird movie at this point.

I can hear the Foo Fighters through the floor. I've waited here for you everlong...

I think I need to wind down and let the sandman come visit for a while. More... always more.

My Mom called during dinner at the Gerst Haus last night to wish me a happy birthday. Somewhere in the conversation my dad asked me how old I am (shouldn't you know that?) and then informed me that hey, I'm the same age as Jesus was when he was crucified! Yeah well let's hope my year is better than his was! Thank god I'm not a carpenter I mean between Jesus and Karen look what I would've had to look forward to?! Persecution, crucifixtion and anorexia, thanks, but I'll pass.

Bad humor aside... the birthday was awesome! Good beer (mostly)- hell FREE beer so could it really be bad?! Exactly! Good people, Good times! Now punch me in the face for more pictures or you'll get a rap on the Jack Johnson!



Thanks to all my beautiful friends in Nashville for making getting older seem like something to look forward to! Really. I <3 you all! Now time to get my ass in gear so I can get out of here in the morning!

Chicago and Seattle- here I come!!!!!

(BTW, that pic is this morning fresh out of bed. I may not be a supermodel but at least I'm aging somewhat gracefully albeit reluctantly! LOL)

You know on my 28th birthday I actually got spanked so much by so many people at my birthday party that my ass was bruised for a week. I'm not hoping for a repeat of that tonight. I feel like I do the day of a gig. It feels like I've been on either the phone or email all day coordinating otherwise competent adults into getting to the specified locations at the right times. My shoulder decided to pull a stunt earlier and locked up tighter than a nunnery on holy day. The spasming was mind numbing and luckily for me Jud massaged the worst of it out. I still have a bit of a dull headache from it but at least now I can move my neck and head again. Oh yeah... getting older with permanent injuries is a lovely thing y'all. Otherwise I've had lots of nice birthday wishes from people I <3. I'll really be looking forward to some german food once this pain subsides a little. Right now I feel like I woke up with a massive hangover after a bad bar fight. WTF?! That's supposed to come tomorrow, not tonight! lol I'd take some muscle relaxers but uh yeah... drugs and alcohol need I say more? I'd like to think I've learned a few important things at 33. Time to get my face on and decide what the hell I'm wearing. At this point I think comfortable is gonna overthrow cute. Maybe I can achieve both if I'm lucky.

Party on Wayne.

You say it's your birthday? No? Well it's my birthday! lol

I just had my favorite lunch as a kid- a bowl of chef boyardee with a handful of cheetos thrown in for texture and flavor. Why? Because I'm an adult now damn it and I can eat what I want on my birthday!

I did not conquer the laundry last night despite my best intentions. It bested me but I got up this morning and proceeded to kick its ass. That's right I'm the laundry master.

I took a really nice long shower, gave myself a mint mud facial, a manicure, a pedicure and I'll be spending some time making my hair into something of epic legend material in a few minutes. It's a beautiful day outside and I feel totally good about being another year older. Later tonight all my Nashville posse is headed out for some good times at the Gerst Haus followed by an invasion of my favorite dive bar, the Springwater for some rock star karaoke and more beer. It should be a fine time indeed!

Last night I actually had a conversation with my most elusive of all friends. Ha. What a retarded ho. God bless her! I hope she comes to join the birthday festivities tonight.

I got to snuggle on the couch with my best friend here for a long time and talk about getting older, where I've been and where I want to go. We hashed out the past year of working on this album- what we've learned, what needs to change and what we think works. I feel a lot less frustrated about it. I think 2 weeks away will do us both some good so that we can get excited about it again and jump back in the trenches when I get home from vacation.

I still have a ton to do between today and tomorrow before I head up to Chicago. I'm not stressing. It'll all come together. Time to go torture my hair with hot rollers! Do I know how to party or what?!